Thinking Out Loud

Eat It If You Can Enjoy It

2011-03-21T20:40:00.001-04:00

My major take away from today's meeting: Eat it if you can enjoy it. I believe it was in the context of the yo-yo thing where people fall away from their good habits but then go back to them. I guess there were some people who fell away or were struggling over the week to stay within points. Instead of avoiding the foods we love we need to treat ourselves. When we run out of points and something we love is staring at us, we need to eat it if we enjoy can enjoy it, meaning eat it without guilt or worring about points.
I did that very thing this week. I enjoyed a lovely dinner at Bazbuex's Pizza, a wonderfil Caramel Macchiato (actually made correctly, way to go Mass Ave Starbucks), a fun lunch at Red Robin and enjoyed several snacks like chips and choclate. On the flip side, I did a ton of walking and did a few WII step workouts. Those workouts don't earn a bunch of activity points, but it was better than nothing. Even though I ate all my 49 weekly and only a few of my activity points, I still lost 1.6 pounds! I am hoping that in two more weeks I will be at my 10% goal!

I think this week I am going to concentrate on more vegetables and a little less Diet Coke. I am also going to attempt to not eat any of my weekly flex points and only eat activity points. We'll see how it goes!

I Can Eat Whatever I Want

2011-03-18T15:55:00.000-04:00

I stayed away from Weight Watchers because I was told it was 'fat girls with no friends.' Or, in light of "Mean Girls"... 'girls who eat their emotions.' Regardless of who is there, I'm glad I joined (thus far). My leader speaks my language! "Treat yourself" "Enjoy that candy bar" but also "track your points" "know what you're eating" "we are not on a diet!"
I haven't read all the materials yet, but as of my 3rd week weigh in, I've lost 12.4 pounds. I'm excited to see what next week brings as I've been doing a lot of walking and haven't eaten my weekly free points.

Anyway - I love it. It is like economics. A basic economic concept is Opportunity Cost. With limited resources you have to choose one thing over the other (the thing you didn't choose is your opportunity cost.) I get my points each week, plus my flex points (or whatever they're called) and thats what I get to spend on food. I thought I was going to die the first week but it turns out my stomach shrank and I'm not craving food as much. Or it could be that I'm taking full advantage of my Zero Point Foods like fruits and most veggies and I'm binging on those whenever I'm hungry. Either way, it has been working.

Each week I've focused on a few different habits.

Week One:

Stay within points no matter what! This meant a lot of SmartOnes, fruit and Diet Coke. I told Heidi she was just going to have to deal with me drinking a lot of DC until I got other things under control.

Week Two:

Stay within the points... I think I went over two points this week but that was because Heidi made her sinful red velvet cake (which is okay to eat and all, I just have to be aware of how much I'm eating.)

Week Three:

Stay Within Points... drink more water, less Diet Coke, walk to earn activity points and take vitamins.

Week Four:

Still working on last weeks goals. I have walked a lot and have only used 2 of my 49 flex points so far!

I will see on Monday if I'm still losing. I hear you lose a lot of weight really fast and then it slows. Hopefully with my goals of staying away from flex points and walking a bit I can keep shrinking. I made my 5% goal in three weeks.. maybe I can do my 10% in another 3! :-) I doubt it, but we'll see.

So, like I said, I love it! I get to eat whatever I want I just have to realize there is a cost. I can have cake, chips, fast food burgers and cheese fries. I just have to make sure I've got the points or am willing to do a touch of walking. (Of course these are not my only choices, I have been making VERY different food choices, but I get to treat myself, too!)

I'm not doing it for the incentive program at work. I'm doing it so I don't become diabetic at 31, so I feel better and hopefully add a few years on to my life. However, I am excited to see what the incentive program will produce... I'm going to need new clothes, or at least get mine altered! that would be a good incentive! :-)

30 points for dinner tonight... maybe pizza!?!?

Radical Meets Phone Booth

2011-01-01T22:14:00.000-05:00

My church started reading David' Platt's Radical several months ago. I, of course, am just not getting around to it. I read through chapter 1 and 2 tonight and I'm shockingly hopeful for the book. It is so confusing to be a believer in Christ because it seems like everyone has their own take, especially in America.

I remember when I came back from Kenya and I felt like everything Christian in America was fake. I went through the slums on Nairobi and couldn't wrap my mind around why the government wasn't doing anything. It occurred to me that there was no such thing as social services there that the only shot these people had was the Church. Even now when I look around in Indianapolis, some of the best hospitals were started by churches many moons ago when the Church went to the aid of others, not the government.

Heidi and I have been through many stages of revolt of American Ideals. A few years ago, what actually started the blog, we our year without buying anything. We did well for almost 9 months and then we were pregnant with Edmund and had to buy a few things here and there. I have been told my a few of my past mentors that I have a rebellious streak in me, which is probably why I'm a fan of some authors like Rob Bell and Donald Miller.

Regardless of what people say about Rob Bell, I find his teachings encouraging. In fact, Velvet Elvis was used by God to keep me keeping on the path. (U2 songs have also been used but that's another post.) There is some controversy surrounding the book but the ultimate message was so encouraging to me. I found a place where it was okay to ask questions and not have all the right answers. I found that what Rob says isn't some new revelation but the revelation of old. It appears to be what a Jew back in the day would have understood things to mean, not what an American would take things to mean. I obviously appreciate the way he takes those ancient applications and makes them relevant to my life.

Rob wasn't exactly acceptable by many in my circles because he is too emergent for them (which I actually thing he might be to fundamental for them, but anyway). Mr. Platt here seems to start of with a great rebellious message against American Christianity (which after watching a movie like The Book of Eli puts things like Christianbooks.com or Family Bookstores into perspective of how sacred the Word actually is) that is generally accepted among the more 'non emergent friendly' population. (Keep in mind I use the word Emergent like I've spent a million hours figuring out what it means. I haven't. I have better things to do.)

So Chapter 1 Someone Worth Losing Everything For was a great introduction, however everything was lost on me because I kept thinking that his exhortation isn't applicable. All I kept thinking about when he was talking about people selling everything and following Christ was that no one in America could do that. I couldn't, unless by some act of grace all of my debt was paid off. Most Americans could sell everything they 'own' and still not have enough money to break even so that they could take up their cross.

I found myself in this situation with purchasing a house. Its a long story but what was a good plan changed over time and the original plan wasn't good with the changes so we ended up being trapped in a house and lost a spot of money. I don't want to limit God's capabilities but even when we did get out from the house, we still didn't have the financial flexibility to do something 'radical.' God had just the right high maintenance realtor for us and the house sold just before our ruin. I guess my point is that it wouldn't it be radical of Christians stopped borrowing money? What if we only bought houses and cars with cash? What if we didn't use credit cards and finance stuff? That right there would probably cut down on the fancy stuff Platt mentions American Christians enjoying. So now that I am in the position to make real progress on past mistakes, do I do that or tithe?

I heard a pastor from Grand Rapids, Michigan, once tell his congregation that if they were in credit card debt (or other debt) that their service to the church was to get out of debt and to not worry about tithing. Heidi and I have had several rounds on this. We both desire to be generous towards others (like Kyle) but we just don't have the means. However, if we didn't have our monthly debt payments, we could be VERY generous. This is going into a whole other topic of finances but my point is that I wish he would have touched on the area of finances just a bit.

Chapter 2: Too Hungry for Words was much more encouraging. I've been discouraged for years about the Gospel sharing I heard was going on. I was taught all kind of interesting ways to manipulate a conversation so that I could get God in there. If I were truly on fire for God, would I have to manipulate a conversation or would it just be leaking out all over?

Don't get me started on fundraising. Don't even get me started (thank you Molly Shannon)

"The Modern-day gospel says, "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. Therefore, follow these steps, and you can be saved." Meanwhile, the biblical gospel says, "you are an enemy of God, dead in your sin, and in your present state of rebellion, you are not even able to see that you need life, much less to cause yourself to come to life. Therefore, you are radically dependent on God to do something in your life that you could never do. The former sells books and draws crowds. The latter saves souls..."

LOVED this! I came to God through a very interesting path which mostly was due to my issues and past traumas. Christians were really nice to me and had great intentions on making me feel better about this and that but I wasn't told much about my rebellion. I memorized verses that secured my salvation and focused on getting others 'in' on the wonderful plan.

"...the gospel demands and enables us to turn from our sin, to take up our cross, to die to ourselves, and to follow Jesus. These are the terms and phrases we see in the Bible. And salvation now consists of a deep wrestling with our souls with the sinfulness of our hearts, the depths of our depravity, and the desperation of our need for his grace. Jesus is no longer one to be accepted or invited in but one who is infinitely worthy of our immediate and total surrender."

LOVED this, too. I immediately thought of the movie Phonebooth when I read this. Sometimes I wish God would put my in a phonebooth situation just so I can rip through all the crap of my life and just be honest. The summary of the movie is a guy gets caught in a phone booth by a sniper who plays with his mind and wants him to confess to his wife and assistant that he is fake. The guy, like most of us, denies the accusations and would rather be shot in the street than confess who we really are to people close to us. The sniper just wanted him to be honest with himself and others. So was he the pro or the antagonist? I am so bless that I have a wife that I don't have to hide; she knows it all. I still find myself wanting to hide myself from God and everyone else.

Jesus is no longer to be accepted or invited!!!! There is no such concept in Scripture!

I could do more on Chapter 2 but I doubt anyone has read this far. Chapter 3, here I come.

Extra Credit Question

2010-10-18T10:45:00.002-04:00

What cartoon character is likely inspired by Lennie??

Your Dream

2010-10-13T10:55:00.001-04:00

What is your dream? (think of George and Lennis') What are you willing to put up with to make sure it happens? (think of Curly... would you put up with a guy like that... we just barely met him in the book but he doens't sound fun.)

make sure they you sign at least your first name . DUE FRIDAY BEFORE WORKSHOP

Of Mice and Men Chapter 1

2010-10-13T10:20:00.000-04:00

So far I know we are in California during the great depression. George and Lennie are walking down the road to another ranch. They're walking because the driver wouldn't take them all the way and was decietful about how far down the road the ranch actually was. George seems much more like the brains of the operation. I'm not sure yet why he keeps Lennie around; doesn't sound like they are related since they don't have the same aunt. Lennie apparently like to pet fuzzy things like dead mice. (It was funndy to watch Lennie manipulate George over the whole 'my life would be better without you' discussion by getting George to say Lennie could have a dog; Lennie kept working it for more.) He must like texture or something because he tried touching some lady's dress and she freaked out. That is actually why they had to leave their old jobs; they hid in some irrigation thing from the guys at their old job. George keeps practicing with Lennie what he is supposed to do when they get to the new ranch. It is strange that Lennie can't remember to keep his mouth shut but he remembers their dream. It seems they have a desire to own a house on a ranch with a cow, pigs and tons of multicolored rabbits. Maybe this is what keeps them going through this hardship... eating beans and all.
I would have to say I'm more like George. I've always been caring for others since I was young. Even in high school my group of friends said I was like the dad of the group because I would always get napkins and straws for everyone at Wendy's... or I'd always question if what we were doing was safe, or remind people to buckle their seatbelts. My profession as a teacher is a little more "George-like" too. I'm always after my kids, trying to get them to do the right stuff.
On to chapter 2.

Top 10 Most Annoying Employees

2010-10-07T09:46:00.000-04:00

Students: Read this article: http://www.bnet.com/blog/ceo/top-10-most-annoying-employees-dont-become-one/5689?promo=664&tag=nl.e664

Then, write a response HERE. You will add a comment to this blog here. You will need to enter an e-mail address and all. (watch your language!) :-)

My TGIF

2010-09-24T16:11:00.000-04:00

I'm in my third year at a charter school called the Indianapolis Metropolitan High School. I came here because I believe in the school's philosophy of relationship, relevance and rigor. It was a difficult start when I came but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Each day is an emotional roller coaster of dealing with student's family issues, campus drama, college applications, internships and more. A student can have a major success in one area and I get to celebrate with them and then a few minutes later have to grieve with a student experiencing a failure. My previous job prevented me from such relationships. My previous job defiantly wouldn't have approved with what went down today.
I love my job because my coadvisors and I are all fighting the same fight. We deeply care about all of our kids even when we can't stand to be around them. The advisory really is like a family; the good, the bad, the ugly. The campus can be a great source of community; a safe place where future focused students can succeed. Although I threw up in my mouth when my boss announced this week's Send Me Off on Monday, I can see what a positive impact it had on my advisor and our school community. (The charge was that my advisory had to pick a song for me to dance to for 30 seconds and compete against the other advisors.)
This afternoon my advisor spent over an hour working together trying to make me stand, act and dance like a gangsta. My biggest failure is that my pants do not slide low so I can sag (thank God) but I tried. We are through our first stretch of school which was extremely stressful so it was good today to just laugh. I started to get really nervous and embarrassed before I went up but my kids where there shouting for me. I went out there and did my thang and made a complete fool of myself. When Send Me Off finally came, I loved seeing the Seniors laughing and celebrating as one.
This is the craziest job I could ever imagine having. Sometimes I wish it was easier and I could go back to my days of file-cabinet planning. But I love it... and even though I love my job, TGIF

DEUCES!

Purging, Phase X

2010-06-09T12:42:00.004-04:00

Dennis & I purge on a reasonably regular basis. He hates having extra crap around, and I'm learning that I don't need or even want most of the things I've been holding on to. This spring purging has reached a whole new level. I don't even remember which phase we're on - VI, VII... We've decided to put our house on the market in the hope of selling quickly and moving downtown Indy, where we would rent an apartment.

The idea of moving to a place likely 1/2 the size of our spacious 4 bedroom house has been the driving force behind this spring's purging, not to mention the great need to clear out the clutter for showings.

This comes at a good time for me. I know, God's timing is perfect as usual. Just before the start of 2010, I read a decluttering article in Real Simple. One of the tips was as follows:

"Know Thyself. I liked to think of myself as someone who exercised every day by running on a giant motorized treadmill, read all the literary classics, and baked cookies for every special occasion. The reality? I am not a runner, I like to read pop fiction, and cookies aren't really my thing. The treadmill, the boxes of books, and some kitchen gadgets all found new homes."

This has become a bit of a mantra for me this year, to know the woman I really am, not the woman I sometimes imagine myself to be.

Somehow being an English major in college had me imagining that I love all the literary classics. So when I spent two months in England for student teaching I collected booklets from every author's house I visited. I had Shakespeare games no one would play with me, a wooden plate from Shakespeare's time, and a bunch of posters that I plastered my classroom wall with when I was teaching. I keep holding on to things like this in case I go back to teaching and because my time in England was a significant time of transformation in my life.

My reality? I doubt I'll ever go back to teaching, and I don't really like most souvenirs. The only thing I ever miss teaching it is the kids, and I believe God has and will continue to call me to other venues where my gift of working with kids can be better utilized. And even if I do teach again, Shakespeare honestly isn't on the top of my list of things all people must read in their lives. There are a lot more relevant ways to teach what needs taught. Regarding souvenirs, that time in England was significant regardless of the stuff I hold on too. More of my reality includes that fact that I am the worst read English major ever! I've only completely read 2 of Shakespeare's plays, despite taking an entire college course on only Shakespeare. I've never even read classics like The Scarlet Letter and only this year finally read To Kill A Mockingbird. So I'm finally letting go of things I've held on to for 3...5...8 years, things that I've hauled from classroom to classroom and house to house.

The most shocking (and ironic) thing about this deep purge? I have and continue to shed A LOT of stuff, but NONE of it is stuff I ever use or want, even if we were staying in our house. It's just baggage that is weighing me down, helping me cling to the facade of this imaginary woman in my head and shadowing the woman I really am, the woman God created and continues to shape. I feel no sense of loss, only freedom and excitement for what God has yet to come...

Heidi

Whatever Happened to True Informed Consent?

2010-03-15T20:32:00.001-04:00

Have we ever really had it? I once again find myself caught in the paradox of modern medicine. Edmund was chewing a carrot last Tuesday, when he decided to start throwing a screaming fit. This led to a coughing fit that carried on for quite some time. He was breathing alright the whole time, but I could tell something was still in there that he couldn't get out. So after a lot of coughing and a few back blows to try to get it out, we headed to the ER to have it checked. As it turned out, Edmund coughed a piece into his lungs - well his bronchial tube. They ended up putting him out and used a tiny little scope to see where the blasted carrot was and retrieve it. As you can see, it was blocking quite a bite of his space! So again, I find myself amazed by the things modern medicine is capable of and incredibly grateful that we have such access to it for situations like this.

These are sideways, but the left top is the carrot. The right is after it was cleared.

Why though, does some of the unnecessary accompany the necessary? Consider the following:

When the nurse initially saw us, she said the doctor may or may not take x-rays because food doesn't always show up.
After the x-ray technician took Edmund (and Dennis with them) down to get x-rays, the doctor came to explain that they may have to use the scope to get a better look and that the scope can also remove the object at the same time.
After the doctor actually saw the x-rays, she came back to say that carrots don't show up on x-rays, and they would need to use the scope. Because of a raspy sound in his voice, she already knew it was in his lung.

So why did we have x-rays taken in the first place? If food doesn't usually show up on them, and the scope than see and treat the problem, then why are we paying for x-rays and why was my son unnecessarily exposed to radiation!?

After the procedure, the "surgeon" showed us what he'd found and said they'd keep Edmund overnight. It very much seemed like a, "well, it's late enough. I want to get out of here. My nurse will see you in the morning." I wish I had my wits about me enough to ask the right questions. I was busy thinking, "How is this going to work? What about my daycare kids?" instead of what I should have been thinking, "Why do we need to stay? What exactly is the risk? Are there other options." I blame myself for that.

At the same time, why are we always approached with a decision already made for us? Why can't the surgeon, doctor, nurse, whoever, explain everything and ask us what we'd like to do? We should have been told that they got it out and because there was irritation, there is a _______% risk of swelling. However, we have given him medication to help with that and I recommend giving him Ibuprofen at _______time just to continue to reduce the risk and alleviate any discomfort he may have. We can keep him overnight or I'd recommend keeping him overnight, just in case, but it's up to you.

Just lay everything out there complete with percentages and recommendations and let people decide for themselves. We believed Edmund was fine, and that, as long as the risk of some side affect was extremely low, we'd all be much more comfortable at home and save a lot of money in the process.

But no. We stayed. Poor Edmund had a stupid IV in all night which he HATED. We were uncomfortable, and all they really did was give him Ibuprofen in the morning. So, sometime soon we will be getting a ridiculous hospital bill. I'm guessing it will cost us 2-3 times what it should have and wipe out this year's health savings account.

My take away: One of these days we'll learn to ask more and the right questions. One of these days we'll stop being afraid to follow our instincts and say no. And regardless, I continue to be incredibly grateful for the ways medical technology does, has, and likely still will help us, especially Edmund. Without it, we wouldn't still be enjoying the privilege of raising him:)

Heidi

On Fatherhood

2010-03-07T21:18:00.000-05:00

     Since I found out Heidi was pregnant with Sam, our first pregnancy, I have tried to figure out what it means to be a father. It was devestating to go through a miscarrage as a dad; I cannot imagine what it is like for a mom. I didn't know how to get excited or think about being a dad when we were pregnant with Edmund, because I was afraid he too would end in miscarraige. Here I am again, with Phoebs on the way, due sometime in September, trying to figure out who I am and what I'm supposed to be as a father.
     Before Edmund was born, I reserved about 25 books from the library on being a dad. I was rather discouraged to find that the major theme of them was dads are "fun" and we are back-up when moms can't take it anymore. I couldn't get through the second chapter on any of them before the sports and fishing references made me ill. There is nothing wrong with those bonding experiences that it seems most fathers enjoy with their children, but it is not who I am. I got very discouraged thinking that I would be a horrible father because I don't care to participate in those activities. People tell me "Edmund is going to be a linebacker!" I don't even know what that is. Maybe he will be in Hunting and Jumping? "Edmund is a brut and likes rough and tumble stuff." Maybe he will become a dancer with that strength. So if I'm not outdoorsy, I don't shoot things or catch them by hooks and could care less about sports then what FUN can I have with my children if FUN is all I've been given?
     It sounds like I'm trying to compete with Heidi for some role in our children's lives. In fact, I might have been a little. There aren't many books written for dads like me (the crunchy, Christian, broadway, indoorsy type) and so there wasn't a lot of comfort for me from those who have been there in regards to things like nursing, crying and more. I really want to be an involved father but when society hands you FUN it is hard to hold on to that desire when all the child wants is Mommy. I am extremely happy that we decided that nursing would be best for our family. In fact, as I learn more I don't understand why anyone would purchase formula or babyfood (except of course in extreme cases). Nursing did not incorporate me as I had imagined. In high school and college I frequently gave babies bottles and loved that interaction; I couldn't wait to do that with my children. So I don't want to compete with mom, I want to be uniquely a dad...but still wanting to know what that means. A friend recently reminded me, "You are one flesh so you should praise God when your son wants his mother." Gives perspective that I do not have to compete but simply enjoy.
     Aside from FUN, the books and things I have seen say that dads have the big talks. The 'Dont Do Drugs' 'Stay in School'... The message then just becomes fun moments and serious ones. Another friend once told me, "Life happens in the details." I believe the big talks I will have with my children will only be recieved if I take advantage of the 'details.' There seems to be large parts of being a dad missing from books, magazines, TV and everything else.
     So I'm still learning and looking. Still trusting God... (especially since we have entered the stage where Edmund likes to throw everything he can pick up and has a fit whenever he doesn't get his way.)
Thank you for reading,
Dennis

Christmas Letter 2009

2009-12-18T09:44:00.000-05:00

Greetings and Merry Christmas! Two thousand nine has been quite a year for the Swenders.

Dennis continues to teach at Indianapolis Metropolitan High School and is thriving there. The school has moved towards having an on-line curriculum, and Dennis has been integral in getting that up and running. He has a great group of students this year as well. They are not without their challenges, but Dennis has connected well with them is enjoying helping them through this time in their lives. As his students will be graduating in 2011, we are thinking ahead and musing as to what type of job change that may bring for Dennis.

Heidi continues to run a daycare out of her home. One of her moms had a baby this past October, and he will be starting January 4. She is excited to get to know him and to see how Edmund adjusts to not being the youngest anymore. We would like to add a couple more kids to the mix and are praying that God would bring the right kiddos to us.

Edmund is doing absolutely brilliantly. He has been discharged from all therapy. He has been walking for at least 2 months and is now practically running. Edmund enjoys getting into everything he shouldn't, eating paper, and has even begun the climbing phase. This should be interesting:) His laugh, as with all kids, is absolutely infectious, and we thank God daily for giving him to us for yet another day.

One of the things we continue to remember in awe concerning Edmund's birth is the vast number of you who prayed for us during that time. It seems everyone we knew told everyone they knew and church after church and person after person were lifting up our situation to God. It was wonderfully overwhelming, humbling, and encouraging. Thank you all!

This year we rehomed our cat Clemens as it seemed he would do better in a home where he was the only cat. Last we heard he is enjoying life very much. In an attempt to become a home of fewer cats, we also open to rehoming Gus if anyone is interested.......

We also lost our yellow lab Joe this year due to a tumor near his heart. We miss him. Cleo, however, enjoys being the only dog, and it is nice to be able to enjoy whatever time she has left.

We have learned a lot this year and, as always, are looking forward to what new things we may encounter in the coming year. Thank you to so many of you who helped us through this year in various ways. It would have been much harder without all of your prayers, love, and support. Thank you and have a Merry, Merry Christmas!

Prayer (no answers, please)

2009-12-02T10:51:00.001-05:00

It's been 11 months since Edmund was born and 10 months since we got to bring him home from the NICU. Sometimes I cannot believe everything we went through and managed. Crisis was not fun but the Lord gave us grace and strength to get through. Heidi and I have been working on our Christmas letter, which is what brought all this back to my mind ... Unfortunately I'm a crisis pray-er. I remember praying for Edmund every day; basically ever hour. At times I remember trying to bargin with God or begging Him to let Edmund live.
I don't remember when I broke but I remember that my conversations with God were shorter; more concise. I remember just saying "help. Please help." or "Do what needs to be done; either way." or "I need to know You're here." I don't know why I kept saying the same thing over and over again; I guess it was all I could get out. I don't know if our prayers changed God's mind or if it was apart of the plan from the beginning. I don't know.
So I was thinking - God is God, right? Maybe prayer is more about me humbling myself to come communicate with Him rather than trying to get Him to change His mind about plans or something. Jesus mentioned that we should ask for God's will to be done ... He didn't say much about what I wanted... (I know there are stories about people petitioning God so you can relax about my theology.) What made me think of one of the paradoxes or mysteries of being a follower of Christ. Just this weekend a woman heard our story of Edmund's birth and started telling me I should share our story to encourage others to pray. I asked myself, "would she have told me the same thing if Edmund had died? Wouldn't prayer still be just as important or valid?" I'd like to think that I really believed what I was praying about God's will; that He would do what needed to be done, either way. What about all of the other babies in the NICU that were prayed over several times that didn't make it or have life long complications - was that an answer to prayer?
This may be one of those 'mysteries' of God that doesn't have an explanation, theological position or basis in Scripture. It seems almost foolish to limit God's workings based on a few mentions in the Scripture (not that those verses aren't true). I try very hard now not to call the shots or tell God what He can or cannot do based on my very limited and screwed up understanding of Him. I want to laugh when people say things like "God does or doesn't do that ..." We may have strong evidence in the Scriptures about His character but I pretty much believe He calls the shots, either way.
I hope to become more than a crisis pray-er as I grow more in Christ. I hope to have faith that God hears my prayers, understands them but ultimately accomplishes His will... either way.
D

The Grimey Truth

2009-11-07T23:30:00.003-05:00

I cleaned my bathroom today. It was disgusting. I cried more than 1/2 the time I was cleaning it. I never thought my bathroom would be that gross. I hate dirty bathrooms. They gross me out, yet when I don't have my mom telling me to clean my bathroom every week, I overlook it. Every time I do finally clean it, I resolve to then keep it up by repeating the cleansing ritual weekly. But when the next week comes, it doesn't look that bad so I skip it. Before you know it, I can't even remember the last time I cleaned it, and it's so grotesque that I somehow manage to avoid looking at it, even while I use it. Or I just skip it all together and use the hall bath.

Almost as soon as I start cleaning the shower I start crying. Not a teardrop or two - weaping, sobbing, nearing hysterics. Why? Because this is what I've let my life become. The filth is the sin I let creap into my life by being selfish, lazy, and prideful. I sob because cleaning it means I have to look at it. I sob because I know that one cleaning isn't going to wipe it all away. There are nasties with too much of a stronghold now - in corners to deep to reach in the first round. It will take countless consistent cleanings for it to be completely clean again.

I've been avoiding God the same way I've been avoiding my bathroom. I want to be close to Him, but I'm ashamed. I don't want to feel that, so I don't look at it. I know this is true because I find myslef hating the silence once again - which means I'm afraid of what I might hear in the silence. So I cover it up. I flip on the tv "just for some background noise". And I numb myself.

God, thank you for your mercy. Teach me to once again bask in the silence - where I hear your voice.

Finding Balance

2009-08-23T17:08:00.004-04:00

So I've been taking a hiatus from facebook. It started with taking a 2 week sabatical. I find I spend too much time on facebook. Since I'm at home a majority of the time, the internet becomes my connection to the world in some ways. In many ways this is WONDERFUL; it's easy to connect with many friends and family and keep updated with their lives. However this, like all things, becomes twisted in my mind. I start feeling unloved and lonely if no one has messaged me or commented on my page or status. Plus it begins to be a way to waste time. Something I do when I'm tired or just don't know what to do first.

My two weeks turned into 1 1/2 weeks. It helped. I was spending less time on facebook. Just checking it for a few minutes a day. Then one night I sat down to chat with a friend on facebook. It was a legitimate, worthwhile chat. But in the meantime I was sucked in; before I knew it a 1/2 hour or more had passed. I hadn't gotten any more chores done; I hadn't spent time with Dennis, who by that time had fallen asleep on the couch. I was mad about the time I'd wasted, and instead of accepting that and learning from it, I turned my anger on Dennis and we got in a stupid fight with me acting mad because he'd fallen asleep.

That that was it! I deactivated my account. It wasn't worth the negative affects it was having on my mind.

As a side note, it's deactivation is not cancelling your account. It just kind of puts in on hold. All I have to do is sign back in; everything is still there. I'm sure you can actully cancel, but it takes a bit more searching.

So I've been off facebook for maybe a week or two, and I miss it. There are lots of people I don't miss, either becaue we didn't talk anyway or because I have other ways of communicating with them. Facebook does have the potential to create a false sense of community. Everyone has 300 friends, but really most of them are just passing aquaintances. but there are quite a few people that continue popping into my mind. People I consider genuine friends, and facebook happened to be are main means of communicating.

For this reason, I've considered returning to the facebook cult as one of my friends called it. I've noticed a reacurring theme in my life lately. I have a tendency to go to extremes. Watch tv all the time; put the tv in the garage and don't watch it at all. Spend WAY to much time on facebook; deactivate facebook account. I think God is allowing me to find a bit more balance in my life. He's been providing a lot of opportunities for me to develop self-discipline, a fruit I have lacked in my life. So perhaps for some things, at least in this season of life, the answer isn't to cut it off, but rather to discipline my mind and my time so that I may grow in the fruit of the Spirit.

I'm not ready to sign back into Facebook today. I need to know that my mind is ready to be disciplined. I need to be confident that my plan, the limits I choose for myself, will indeed help me to stay connected to those I love without being sucked into the black hole of wasting my life one mouse click at a time.

Heidi

Breastfeeding...

2009-05-27T12:30:00.013-04:00

Two main things have made me realize that our culture's attitude towards breastfeeding is not what it should be. Sure people know it's good, but subtle attitudes do nothing to support that.

Experience #1

Due to various components surrounding Edmund's birth, we had multiple hurdles to overcome to reach successful nursing. Edmund had a poor latch; he sucked wrong; he clamped down sometimes; my flow was so heavy that he would get overwhelmed easily. I was cracked and bleeding for weeks. I had yeast at one point. I'm pretty sure I had mastitis at one point. Prior to this I had never questioned God in the sense of, "why are you doing this to me?" Even when we were in the hospital and the doctors told us Edmund probably only had 2 hours to live, I didn't question. I hope that doesn't sound trite. I just know and easily accept that those things are out of my control, and I can accept whatever God chooses to do. But during the 6 weeks of hard, hard, painful nursing, I questioned. I cried. I screamed, "Why won't You make it better!?" I just screamed and cried some more. It was harder than childbirth, but it was also the most faith building experience of my life. To be pushed to that point of asking why (not with the right attitude) and to have to pull myself back from that and adjust my thinking was a growing experience of learning to persevere when I could have just given up and learning to trust God through this incredible pain.

I tried to share this when people asked me how things were going. To me, it was so profound and much harder than the month hospital stay, but most people just brushed it off saying, "oh, well if you can't breast feed, that's OK." I knew it was okay if I couldn't, but that wasn't the issue. I wasn't asking for an alternative. I could. I wanted too. It was just hard going for awhile. Fortunately, I had incredible support. I had a husband who stuck by me, even though it would have been easy for him to suggest the formula route as it was excruciating for him to see me in that much pain and not be able to help. I had midwives and a chiropractor who would come to offer suggestions or just lay a hand on my arm or back and say, "I know. I know. You're doing so great. You can do it." They didn't tell me I had to or that I was a bad mom if I didn't. They simply knew I could and gave the support I needed to keep trying. I did reach a point about 4 weeks in where we'd taken a turn for the worse again. I had an appointment to see a speech therapist and I knew if she couldn't help me, I was done. Fortunately she did help us, and at 4 1/2 months we continue to breastfeed successfully.

I wouldn't trade these nursing moments for anything. I'd go through 6 weeks of pain all over again if it meant I could keep nursing him. Part of it is selfish. When I thought of giving up, I thought of the options. I didn't want to spend money on formula; I didn't want to pump and bottle feed because it took to much time; I didn't want to have to wash bottles everyday; and I didn't want something else to prep and take with us places. But there's more to it than convenience. It's not a spiritual thing; it not just about breast milk being better food. There is a sweetness and a peace in being able to provide something for your child that no one else can. Something that comforts them instantly no matter what the ailment. There's an amazement that God has created our bodies to do this thing! Breast milk changes as your child grows, adjusting to their needs. I stand in awe of our Creator and wonder why it's so easy for us to bypass his design when technology has given us an alternative. What are we missing that we don't even know about?

Please, please understand that I'm not making judgements on those who have chosen not to breastfeed. I'm saying that it's an experience I can't imagine ANY breastfeeding mom say they'd just give it up or not do it if they had a redo. My sadness or thoughts or concerns are about a culture that too often undermines breastfeeding in ways too many to mention here. Most women don't have the support I did. I am grateful and I only wish more women had more information and more support in their hour of need.

Experience #2
I was at a birthday party for one of our midwives. I wish everyone had the experience of awesome midwives. It's a very different experience to be surrounded by them and several of the families they serve. Every time I go to a get together, there are lots of nursing mommas. It's just a natural part of this subculture if you will. I, being one of those mommas started nursing Edmund while I was there. A few things happened while I nursed using a receiving blanket to cover us. That was the norm I'd experienced. Besides, both our midwives have teenage boys, so I just figured....

a) Brandi (one of our midwives) said something like, "The blanket is for Edmund, not us right."

b) One of the little girls there came to see us. She leaned right over Edmund, saw that we were nursing, and kissed him on the head. It was so sweet.

c) Jared, one of the midwife's sons came over and was telling me all about the kittens they'd found under the porch. He stood right next to me telling me all about it. I was a little uncomfortable with him practically standing over me while I was nursing. But then I realized - I'm uncomfortable. He's not. Nursing is such a normal thing to him that he barely even noticed I'm doing it.

Kids are like that. It's parents that get weired out about their kids seeing someone nurse. Most kids come to look because they're curious what you're doing (because they don't live in a culture where it's normal to know that already). Once they see, they don't even notice anymore. If they're shooed away, they're left constantly wondering what it is and trying to get a peek.

These things have caused me to ponder. Why don't I feel free to nurse wherever I am? Why do I sometimes feel it's a little taboo? That I need to go into a separate room? I do nurse in public. I try to pick a place that's not the center of attention. We use a blanket or I wear clothes that allow us to nurse very discreetly. But I think mostly I feel free to do this because I've had the good fortune to be involved in a subculture where nursing is as natural and normal and drinking a glass of water.

What would it be like if all of our culture was that way? If breastfeeding was just what we did, so natural we didn't even think about other options except in rare, rare instances. So natural that we didn't ask expecting moms if they were going to breastfeed. If children grew up mimicking us by "breastfeeding" their dolls instead of giving them bottles. If women's bodies were just as much a symbol of life and nurturing as they are a sex symbol. I wonder...

Back Sleeping No More

2009-05-16T14:48:00.002-04:00

I know, I know, the mantra is "Back to Sleep" Edmund has always been perfectly content to sleep on his back. But now he can roll over himself and apparently suddenly prefers sleeping on his belly. For a couple nights he was waking up at 2 or 3 to nurse. I figured he was just going through a growth spurt. But I noticed him trying to roll on his belly when going to sleep and getting very frustrated when he couldn't get there. So, he slept on his belly the other night and didn't wake up at all:) Of course, he did wake up at 3 last night, so he could be going through a bit of a growth spurt too.

Edmund's New (and Old) Things

2009-05-09T17:59:00.009-04:00

Quick update on Edmund.

He's been rolling over for a couple weeks now. Of course he's like his mother and tackles the hardest first and somehow more easily. So he loves to roll from back to tummy but usually can't figure out how to return to his back. So after after a bit he gets mad. He also sometimes manages to either spin or scoot a little. This means more time on the floor to work on moving and more frequent vacuuming for mommy so Edmund doesn't come up looking like we just adopted another animal:)
He now loves to help mommy type so I loose stuff frequently as he somehow manages to send me to a new page before I'm done. Save often if possible!:)
His laugh has really developed and is hysterical when he gets going. He gets pretty quiet when we're around new people though. He just stares at them and soaks it all in.
The other day I noticed he would stick out his tongue when I did. That night he and daddy started using their tongues to blow bubbles or raspberries or spit at each other. Edmund seems to be having fun developing that skill. It's funny how there are so many things we get so excited about when their this little...then we spend the rest of their lives teaching them not to do those things:) Ah, infant discoveries!
We just recently adjusted his diapers to the next biggest size. It's fun to see how that works even though it's not a big deal at all:)
He still sleeps GREAT at night and will now go down in the evening at 9ish, which gives us a little time as a couple. He has not completely got a napping schedule during the day, but I can't complain!
Oh! For the past few weeks we would regularly notice a small spot of blood on his shirt always in the same spot. I would check him over and could NOT figure out where it was coming from. Finally we narrowed down that it must be coming from his nipple. We asked his dr about it at his 4 month check-up. He had fun digging through his medical books to figure it out. Apparently it's Mammory Duct Ectasia (sp?). Baiscally it's just a benign inflamation of some sort. It should stop in a few months. There are things we could test for but they're so impossible and improbably that the good Dr. says we won't mess with that unless it doesn't go away. We LOVE our pediatrician. Thank you Mary for reccomending him! I'm getting an article about it from the dr so if there are science minded ones of you out there, I can pass the article along.

I think that's most of the news. He's doing GREAT!

May 10, 2009

2009-04-26T22:35:00.003-04:00

This May 10 will be the first Mothers' Day that I get to buy Heidi as an actual mother. In the past, we've bought each other small gifts on Mothers' & Fathers' Day in anticipation that we would be parents someday and the simple joys of giving a gift. Even though we have too many animals, we never got into the gift giving thing from pets.
So here I am, a real dad now trying to decide what would be most encouraging and appreciated by Heidi. It actually isn't hard to come up with a list - there are a million things I could do for her or get her. I guess the hard part is still coming to terms with the idea that I have a son and that he is still alive.
Several weeks ago, Janie gave us the DVDs of all our pictures from the birth up through the hospital stay. It was so cool going through the pictures of labor right up until after he was born. On one side, I got to see things I didn't see before; what the firemen were doing when they came and such. On the other side, it was almost like reliving a nightmare. I was so excited when he was born! Minus Brandi checking his head as he was crowing, I was the first person to touch him. I got to feel his squishy little butt, even though it was all bloody. :-) It was so amazing; I'll never forget it. I'll also never forget watching his motionless body lay on the bed while the midwives were sucking blood from his lungs and doing CPR. I remember he cried but then stopped. I remember being at Riverview where the doctor told me he probably wouldn't make it until the St. Vincent's NICU Medics got there and the fear that I would be alone with my dead son while Heidi was going to another hospital, planning that we'd meet her there. I just kept thinking to myself "I got to hold him more than she did; she is his mother." I don't exactly know what that thought meant, but it kept going through my head. I remember finally seeing Heidi at St. Vincent's and crying with her in bed while family and friends visited. I remember doctors telling us he had a couple of hours left and that there was nothing else that they could do. I remember being told by a doctor that we could turn the machines off whenever we felt it was the right thing to do.

But then I also remember that he didn't die after a few hours; he improved every day and responded well to almost everything. I remember every single doctor not being able to explain how he was improving or how he was okay. I recall being counseled about all of the possible issues we would face as he grew up, if he made it up - but here we are and most people would never guess anything ever happened.

Now I will get to remember that he rolled over for the first time this past Thursday, and that he peed on the carpet tonight while he was 'airing' out from his diapers. I'll get to remember his smiles, giggles and coos.

So even though it will soon be Mother's Day and it doesn't have anything to do with me, it is still difficult. In January, I had prepared myself to support Heidi during Mother's day and holidays through the year as we grieved not having our son with us. Now May is approaching and I will get to celebrate and honor Heidi as a mother with Edmund. Almost four months ago we were told he would die. Now, he is rolling over and celebrating his wonderful Mom on Mother's Day. I can't seem to get my head around this. He is just a little fighter; he is his mother's son.
D

Bath Therapy

2009-04-06T15:43:00.002-04:00

I figure it's about time we get another picture of Edmund on here. He and Dennis have been taking baths together, which is great therapy for his legs. Dennis holds him, and he just kicks his little feet. It's precious! As a side note they also have a great time laughing with each other. The other night they were just going at it, and Edmund laughed louder and more heartily than I'd ever heard him do before. I just sat and savored the sound of father and son enjoying each other:)

Diaper Bag Dilema.....

2009-04-05T17:49:00.003-04:00

So I've been looking for a diaper bag I like and have struggled. I don't want something that screams, "WE HAVE A BABY! THIS IS WHERE WE CARRY ALL HIS GEAR!" Since we actually bring Edmund with us, I figure people will pick up on that already. I'd just like a bag that looks like a nice bag. Big enough to fit everything we need and organize it nicely. I think, I think I may have found one! Sad to say, thanks to facebook ads I have discovered Ju-Ju-Be bags (www.ju-ju-be.com) The have LOTS of pockets to keep things organized, and most of them come in black/silver. That way Dennis won't mind carrying it when he needs to:) Unfortunately I couldn't find a local store that carries it, so I had to order without having touched. Ah!!!!! I've decided on the Between, supposedly not too big and not too small....I'll let you know.......

Heidi

Cosleeping

2009-03-27T17:13:00.005-04:00

We are regularly asked how Edmund sleeps. We respond that he sleeps GREAT, usually waking up once to eat and going right back to sleep. Lately he's been lasting till 6-6:30, which is REALLY nice! It could be that we are lucky, but I confess I think it is because we've chosen to let Edmund sleep with us. When we mention this, a common response is a slow wag of the head from side to side or an, "Uh-oh...you'd better nip that in the bud before you regret it later..." There is also the safety factor. Let's get that one out of the way.

The following things make for safe cosleeping: both parents aware that the child is in the bed, a nice firm mattress, nothing covering the baby's head (duh!), no spaces between the frame and mattress that would be possible for baby to slip in and suffocate, neither parent under the influence of any alcohol or drugs, non-smoking parents.

Cosleeping is common across many cultures (and interestingly enough, related deaths are much more rare every where else). In the US, however, it is more controversial. Why are Americans in general so adamant about independence from such a young age? Common advice from the "experts" say that we shouldn't cosleep or rock our babies to sleep or run every time they fuss, that they need to learn to self soothe. There seems to be a fear that our children will be too dependent on us or others. Everything we've read says that the opposite is true: that the closer we keep our babies to us and the quicker their needs (not selfish manipulative desires) are met, the more independent they will become. Based on several studies, this seems to be true of babies who cosleep or are "worn" in wraps or slings. They cry less, are more content, and as they grow actually become more independent than other children.

It makes sense to me. We want our infant to be dependent on us. We want him to learn trust and security in these early months and years, to know that we'll always be just a step away so that when he's ready to venture out, he can do so with the confidence that he'll be okay. There will be so very many years ahead when Edmund and our subsequent children will grow to become independent from us. We treasure these times when they do need us and desire to keep them close during these years, until the time is right for them to begin venturing out.

We realize there are varying opinions on the topic and are not advocating that everyone should cosleep or specifying how long we think it's appropriate. It just seems to be one of those topics that's worth asking why we as Americans might intially be so opposed to it. Are those reasons valid or are we missing something?"

Dennis, Heidi, and Edmund

3 Month Pictures!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-20T10:45:00.002-04:00

Ok, so he's only just 11 weeks this coming Sunday, but here's the link to his 3 month pictures!!!
http://www.alannaphotography.com/edmund3/

How time flies

2009-03-13T16:02:00.003-04:00

I'm not even sure what to share. On Wednesday, we celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary. Sometimes we think, "Wow, three years," but mostly we think, "Really only 3 years." It just feels like we've known each other and been together so much longer than that. It's been a fabulous 3 years and we look forward to many more. We dined at Kincaid's, which I'd been wanting to try for awhile. It was good, but I've got to say not worth the prices. Maybe I just ordered the wrong thing...Regardless, we had a lovely time and then came home and watched a movie. I told Edmund it's the only anniversary dinner he'll probably get to join us on because in the future he'll be old enough to leave with a sitter:)

Edmund continues to do well. His arms are loosening up splendidly! His legs are improving too, but still need quite a bit of work. I'm hopeful that First Steps will be fully in place by the week of the 23rd. If not then, by the week after. That will be a great relief as I won't be running to appointments every week.

Monday Edmund goes to see the neurologist. Heidi is looking forward to that. She's not sure what the appointment will entail, but Dr. Patel was GREAT when we talked to him at the hospital, so I'm sure it will be informative and helpful.

Edmund is beginning to move into his 3-6 month clothes and on Saturday will already be getting his 3 month pictures taken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are continuing to adjust to life with a baby and the house is slowly coming back together. Heidi's mom is coming Sunday and staying all week. This will be a HUGE help as she'll be able to watch the daycare kiddos while Heidi takes Edmund to appointments. It will also be great to watch grandma and grandson simply enjoy each other!:) And Heidi will be able to get a little extra rest and a few extra things done around the house! She can't wait to get things done and just enjoy some time with her mom!

Thanks to all who continue to keep updated and pray for our family. Dennis and I both request prayer as we learn how to be spouses and parents at the same time. For both of us, that seems to be the biggest adjustment. We thought about how to be spouses and about how to be parents. We didn't realize how tricky it is learning to be them simultaneously! Thanks again for all your support.

Dennis, Heidi, and Edmund

Help has been found

2009-02-27T23:31:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I've had LOADS of help and support with the nursing, praise the Lord, or I would have given up long ago! Thank you ladies; you know who you are:)

Today we had speech therapy. It sounds odd for a baby I know, but they help with suck, swallow, breath coordination and all that. Edmund was thrusting terrible and lately not being able to settle into a rhythm while nursing, which meant more air, which meant more gas. I was at my wit's end. The therapist reiterated what I'd been thinking: my initial let down is too much for him and he tries to manage it by thrusting and losing his latch. So now I have to pump before he nurses so it's not so overwhelming for him. It's a pain, but I already did it once and WOW it did make a HUGE difference. Knock on wood, it will continue to be better and I'll actually be able to heal:)

Of course now we have to see the speech therapist 2x a week to help with that. Fortunately, I convinced them to let me do the appointments back to back with OT and PT. It's not optimal because it's a long time for him, but I just can't get away 4 days a week. Fortunately I have the next couple days covered for the daycare, and hopefully first steps will be set up soon. Then the therapists will come to our house and we won't have to run to appointments every week. Of course, we'll have new therapists, but I'm sure we'll find some we like:)

Please continue to pray about nursing. I think it's improving again now, but every time I say that, it seems to get worse. Even more so, pray that I continue to worship God through this hard time...even when it stays hard or gets worse!

Heidi

Smiling boy...

2009-02-27T03:34:00.002-05:00

Isn't that a precious smile? His mama was holding him and making my grin this evening. We are out of the hospital but we are not out of the woods. Heidi has been having a horrible time getting coverage for all the doctor's appointments. Luckily a man at church is letting us borrow his car so she can run him around while I'm at work. Nursing still is incredibly painful and not going well.
We will be headed to Griffith on Saturday for my Grandma's viewing on Sunday and her funeral on Monday.
Please keep us in your prayers (if you're still reading)
D

Pictures!!!!!

2009-02-19T08:45:00.006-05:00

Getting Back in the Groove

2009-02-18T22:01:00.002-05:00

Edmund continues to do well at home. Knock on wood, he sleeps great at night inbetween waking up to eat. Parts of nursing are still painful, but it is slowly improving. More importantly, I am having to rely on God's strength to persevere, which has been incredible.

This week the day care kids started coming back which has been good for me. It forces me to get back into a routine of sorts and get a few things done.

Dennis and I have been puzzling as to the best way to get Edmund to his appointments over the next couple of months. He has outpatient therapy appointments until we can get First Steps setup. They're coming to evaluate him tomorrow, but it's hard to say how long it will be until he gets on their schedule. When he does, those therapists come to the house. We also have to go to the neurologist and a developmental specialist in the next couple months. Since Dennis can't continue to take that much time off work, and we only have one car.....we've been in a conundrum. Praise the Lord, however, someone from our church is loaning us a car. We are so grateful for their generosity. Now we don't have to rush to buy a second car that in a couple months we wouldn't need anymore.

Several people have asked for picture. I promise that a couple are on the way:)
Dennis, Heidi, & Edmund

I Thought the Hard Part was Over

2009-02-11T12:50:00.002-05:00

God has recently been teaching me to live in the present. I have a tendency to wish for the next step or stage with a idea in my head that the grass is greener over there. So with that mindset I was certain that everything would be hunky dory when we finally got Edmund home. Mind you, we are immensely grateful to have him home, and he is doing fabulous. As is life however, it's not all peaches and cream.

I had no idea the emotional roller coaster that would hit when we got home. It's like a postpardom time, only he's already a month old. Without giving more information that you'd like to here...Heidi and Edmund had some nursing transitioning to do once we got home. He is doing superb, but Heidi is very sore. With the help and support of our midwives we are making progress. I'm told by many that if I can just get through these first 2 weeks give or take of pain that it will get better. I'm clinging to that and praying it's true. Sometimes I wonder:) Still, God is faithful and has helped me to persevere thus far. Please pray for continued perseverence and dependence on God through this time.

Dennis and I are also struggling with the lack of sleep. Thankfully, Edmund sleeps well at night in between feedings and last night slept for 4 hours straight. I got up this morning to nurse him, but he just feel back asleep for another few hours. Still, neither of us function well on a lack of sleep. We start oversleeping and in general melt down.

It's odd. Usually just one of us is extremely emotional and exhausted at once. We often say, "It's my turn." and rely on the other for support. In this case, we're just both drained and often don't know how to support each other.

This too shall pass, and as mentioned above, God is teaching me to be thankful for the moments we're in, instead of wishing them away for what will be.

We covet your continued prayers. To God be the Glory; Great is His Faithfulness (Btw, I can rarely sing Great is Thy Faithfulness without crying. Throughour this last month my eyes have been opened to how true this is!)

Love,
Dennis, Heidi, and Edmund

A Day of Rest

2009-02-08T22:40:00.005-05:00

Edmund has been home for about five days. We are all still working out our schedules, but it has been good. We love the cloth diapers (which I am a little surprised at how easy they are). Dr. Kristin has been working with Edmund since he got home - she has made great progress with his leg and arm stiffness.

He seems very content. He only cries when he is hungry, needs to be changed or sleepy. Other than that he seems laid back...for now anyway. :-)

Thanks for all your prayers, again. Looking back a month ago I didn't think we'd even have him to hold...and now he is home.

Dziadzia, Busia and Aunt Kimberlee

2009-02-05T15:58:00.001-05:00

Dennis' parents and sister came to visit Edmund!

Pet Hazing

2009-02-03T17:38:00.002-05:00

So Joe has already licked his head, Aspara'Gus' and Clemens have jumped on him and Winston laid down to relax with us. :-)

WE ARE HOME!

2009-02-03T16:14:00.002-05:00

Afraid of the Dark at One Month

2009-02-03T07:12:00.003-05:00

Yesterday as we were talking to Jacky about coming home, she asked if we had a lamp or something in his room. I was confused, but said yes. She proceeded to explain that he's NEVER been in the dark since birth. He's also never been in absolute silence. Apparently lots of NICU babies don't like the dark and silence at first. It makes sense, and it will be interesting to teach our one month old about day and night:)

Dennis, Heidi, and Edmund

Pray for a GREAT NIGHT!

2009-02-02T17:57:00.002-05:00

Dr. Simon was thinking Wednesday just to be cautious, but with transportation and our jobs, we asked if we could go home Tuesday. The doc says as long as Edmund has a good night and gains weight, we're set for tomorrow.

Edmund will see a pediatrician on Thursday. Our midwives will still be following up with us. He'll have his First Steps Evaluation probably within a week. Our chiropractor will be seeing him, and we may be doing outpatient therapy until First Steps gets set up. So Edmund will have plenty of follow-up to make sure he's still doing wonderfully:)

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for all your prayers and support during our stay at the hospital. We were so encouraged by all of you!

Dennis, Heidi, & Edmund

Can It Be?

2009-02-02T11:08:00.002-05:00

Heidi just e-mailed to tell me that our nurse told the doctor that Edmund needed go home Tuesday or Wednesday - and the doctor said OKAY!!! :-)

THAT WOULD BE AWESOME!
D

BIG Yawns!

2009-02-01T22:14:00.001-05:00

Several of you have asked, and I keep forgetting to somehow tell you. As of Sunday, Edmund was up to 11 lbs, 11 oz.

Time to go...

2009-02-01T17:18:00.004-05:00

No real news. We are just sitting and feeding now. Hopefully the little guy can keep putting on weight to make the doctors happy. He pulled his feeding tube out of his nose again this morning; it should stay out unless he doesn't eat everything he is supposed to eat. He did have his last does of the methadone and seems to have no side effects.

We are both getting very antsy about being at the hospital and want to go home. Medically, he is good - we are here only for feeding. (thank you Cigna for paying for that) We are really pushing to be home by Wednesday or sooner.

I was able to get my favorite band's lullaby CD at the library the other day. So we spent some of this afternoon listening to "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" and "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" just as lullabies.

Ta for now!
D

Drug Free at Last!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-31T13:23:00.005-05:00

Yesterday Edmund went down to once a day on his methadone. This morning he got his 8am dose, but now the orders are to discontinue. He's done great so far, so I'm sure it won't be a problem for him. This is such an exciting milestone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now we continue to work on food. Last night they put his feeding tube back in because though he's eating well, he wasn't taking the full bottle. Grave sadness:( I know they want to make sure he can eat consistently and gain weight consistently, but I'm not sure exactly what they need to happen before they're fine letting him go. We know he can eat, and we know he does eat plenty when he's hungry. I'm thinking, the sooner we're home the better. Mommy will be able to eat better and get better rest. Therefore her body will produce better quality milk. Plus, at home, Edmund will be able to eat as much as he wants when he wants; so I'm sure he'll gain weight just fine. In addition, we will of course be following up with a doctor who will help to monitor his growth. This will be part of the discussion with next week Dr and we discuss exactly when to discharge us:)

Thanks for the continued prayers!
Dennis, Heidi, and Edmund

Still We're Working On the Food....

2009-01-30T20:30:00.002-05:00

Edmund is doing GREAT! Last night he took 2 full bottles. I'm assuming he ripped out his feeding tube again, and so far he hasn't had to get a new one in! We're praying he continues to take his bottles well when we're not here. Heidi is still nursing when she is here, and Edmund continues to improve each day. Heidi continues to utilize the help of the lactation consultants, as she knows soon she will be home and not have an army of specialized consultants to call whenever she has a little question:) They have been VERY helpful.

Today Edmund's methadone was weaned to once per day. As long as he does well on that, he should be able to go off it completely either tomorrow or Sunday.

As long as he continues to eat well and gain weight, I can't see why we won't make it home by Wednesday or sooner for that matter, but I think my mindset is slightly different than the doctors:)

Oh, and we're still on the search for a pediatrician. I have a lead on one. Otherwise, we're still considering just taking him to our family practice doctor.

Dennis, Heidi, and Edmund

Steady Feedings

2009-01-30T11:47:00.002-05:00

The doctor really is trying to get us home by next Wednesday! Edmund is now doing on demand feeding. He likes to snack, which is really annoying for Heidi, but at least he is eating. He is scheduled to be off of the methadone by Sunday... If he can nurse and gain weight for a few days then he can come home! It will have been a month since he's been there.

Heidi and I really need rest! We are sleeping through alarms and I'm dozing while driving sometimes. I know the first few months are hectic without a hospital stay but at least we'll be at home and can rest quicker in-between feedings and all.

Better get back to work!
D

Praying to be Home for Daddy's Birthday

2009-01-28T14:17:00.002-05:00

The new goal in Edmund's corner of the NICU is to be home by daddy's birthday, which is next Wednesday. According to our wonderful doctors and nurses, that would be fast. However, it's possible, and they're doing everything they can to help us.

Yesterday Edmund's methadone was weaned to 0.2ml every 8 hours (He was on 0.3 every 8). It's being weaned every other day, and so far he's not really had withdrawal. Tomorrow it'll likely stay at 0.2 but go to every 12 hours. Then Saturday 0.1, and hopefully he'll be completely off by Monday!!

We are continuing to nurse. Yesterday went well, with Edmund nursing well about 5 minutes or so each of the 3 times we tried. Yesterday he also went up to 25ml in the bottle attempts. Today we're nursing as often as I'm here and he's ready. After the first 5-7 minutes and a burp, apparently the edge of Edmund's hunger is satisfied and he looses interest, seeming content. At his noon feeding Nurse Jacky and I convinced him to carry on and we got a total of 15 minutes of nursing in!! He's been sleeping ever since:) When I'm not here to nurse, he can now take as much as he's willing to from the bottle. For his morning feeding before we got here, he apparently took 40. That's almost 1/2 his prescribed feeding!! Really, there's no limit on him anymore. We know he can suck and swallow, so it's just up to Edmund how fast he takes over.

Dr. Whitman said that they like the babies to be off the feeding tube for a few days before they go home to be sure they continue to eat well and are gaining wait. He can be doing any combination of nursing and bottle feeding; he just has to be doing it. So.........I know it's lofty, but I'm hoping that by the end of the weekend he'll be taking all his feeding via nursing or the bottle. Then the beginning of next week will just be maintaining that!

God has been so faithful. Whether or not we make it home for Daddy's birthday, we continue to praise the Lord.

Dennis, Heidi, and Edmund

If Life Was Like The Met....

2009-01-27T08:33:00.005-05:00

...If life was like The Met then I would have been able to see Edmund this morning. Heidi and I got ready as fast as we could this morning but sometimes it is hard to manage life with pumping, showers, and our herd of pets...not to mention traffic was slow for the 1/2 inch snow we got. So, because we showed up at 6:59, we weren't allowed to go in to see Edmund. It isn't that bad for Heidi because she can see him again at 8, but I won't get to see him again until 5 or later...then we'll have to leave again from 7-8pm and then we'll go home shortly after to attempt getting sleep.

My favorite part was the only thing the charge nurse kept saying was 'those are the rules' 'you know the rules' 'the rules were explained on the paper we gave you.'

Sorry that life happens outside of rules sometimes. Rules (in my experience in public education) sometimes don't make sense and set people up for failure. Instead of one person/student at a time - lets make blanket statements and policies for everything. The logical, more structured side of my brain is telling me "of course the hospital needs policies and it can't be a free for all...blah blah blah." But there is a difference in a free for all and understanding a situation. If the Big Picture Schools can function and be successful and make considerations and allowances within structured and organized manner, so can other institutions. I was so skeptical of how my school would function - to an observer we might be crazy - but it works (so I understand if you have disbelief).

It is all reminding me of almost every public school statement (and every teacher philosophy used to get a job!) that says stuff about wanting to engage parents (or now the buzz word is invested stakeholders) and how they will do active learning to prepare people for tomorrow....and really it is just business as usual and parents are never really engaged (and probably intentionally kept at bay.) So the hospital wants to be family care centered - something like that - but really it is just business as usual. I know the world and my life is not like the Met - but I'm fortunate to work at a place (The Indianapolis Metropolitan High School / Goodwill of Central Indiana) that is flexible and understand that life doesn't always happen like it is supposed to.

I think I am done venting. This is just another layer of my frustration with "The Man/Big Brother/Institutions." I am not mad with the nurses (although she could have been a little less cold) just at the policies she must uphold.

I must get back to work and join my co-workers in another round of Kum Ba Ya and Why Can't We Be Friends. ;-)
Dennis

Ah, the power of God's design!

2009-01-26T17:45:00.003-05:00

So today Edmund got to breastfeed, and it must be said that he took to it much better than the bottle!! In fact, he did so well, that after guesstimating how much he might have gotten,
Dr. Whitman said we didn't need to supplement it with additional food!! He was pacing himself and sucking and swallowing beautifully!! We're going to nurse again this evening, and if that goes well, we'll do even more tomorrow. Edmund and I were praising God for taking us back to his design today and are praying it continues to go well!!

He's also down to .3ml every 8 hours on his methadone. That might have happened yesterday actually. Next step will likely be every 12 hours instead of 8. He's doing great with that; so far no withdrawal symptoms to speak of.

Thanks for your continued prayers!
Dennis, Heidi, and Edmund

Dr. Whitman is back!!!!

2009-01-25T13:34:00.002-05:00

It turns out Dr. Whitman will be Edmund's doctor again next week. She was his doctor the first week and was ever so wonderful and sweet, so we're excited to be working with her again.

Edmund is up to 80ml of food every 3 hours, which has got to be close to his full amount. (30ml is an ounce). He's now off all fluids and last night got the picline out of his head!!! Now the only thing actually still going inside his body is his feeding tube. He's doing better and better taking his 15ml from the bottle, so we're making headway. All he's got to do is be eating on his own and gaining weight. Then we'll be golden:) It sounds like perhaps Dr. Whitman has other ideas of the best way to this end, so we'll wait until tomorrow to see what the plan is. All I know is that we're getting great care, and I'm confident everyone here is working as best as they can toward the same end of getting him strong enough to go home with us:)

Dennis, Heidi, and Edmund

Finding the Right Pediatrician and Therapists...

2009-01-25T13:07:00.003-05:00

We have a little ways to go yet before we're home and then off to doctors visits, but it's on our minds nonetheless, and we're hoping for a little help from our Indianapolis "family". Originally we were going to just take Edmund to a family practice doctor for check-ups and such because some pediatricians get a little overboard with what babies "should" be doing at certain ages. However, because of everything Edmund has been through, the Neo doctors have suggested that we do have a pediatrician. So the search is on.

We'd like a doctor who's had some experience working with NICU babies and can help manage and be the "head" doctor so to speak in working with the many other people Edmund will also be seeing, such as the neurologist, occupational and/or physical therapist, chiropractor, etc. We want to make sure everyone Edmund sees is working together toward the same goals and not counteracting one another. We'd also like someone who is open to discussion concerning omitting some vaccines and doing the others on a delayed schedule. Also, we'd like a pediatrician who's flexible with various parents styles and won't adamantly tell us how to parent by saying things like, "Stop rocking him to sleep at night. He should be learning to sleep on his own by now."

Here at the hospital we've also been put in touch with First Steps, a program that will connect us with occupation, physical, and speech therapists. At first he'll probably just need an OT or PT. If you know of any therapist working with this program in Hamilton County that you'd highly recommend or ideas of what to look for, we'd love some suggestions as we will soon begin paperwork for that and eventually be choosing a therapist(s) to work with.

Thank you in advance for any help you can offer. We know there are many wonderful health care professionals here in central Indiana and are hoping you all can help us find the ones that will be the best fit for Edmund. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

Dennis, Heidi, and Edmund

Education vs. Medicine

2009-01-24T17:51:00.004-05:00

So I have decided that education and medicine have a lot of similarities. Education, in my experience, tends not to have a holistic view of students and makes blanket statements based on 'research' instead of looking at individuals. Education has several mandates, state and federal, made by people who don't know a thing about being in a classroom or who've only worked in theory not in practice. Educational institutions have to run by policies that were set in place because 1 or 2 people messed up with something and liability became too great; sometimes the policies are so outdated that they are stopping progress.
Medicine has a holistic view but the communication between specialists is limited such that some specialties don't seem to understand what the other specialties are doing and what implications that may have on the results of treatments. Medicine obviously has mandates from state and federal agencies...and insurance companies. So the holistic view or individuality of the patient seem to be disregarded to follow policy, fear of malpractice, or something the insurance company wants to see in order to keep paying. Medicine has good infection control policies but force incredible waste of medical supplies - costing lots - which might stop progress.
So I am waiting for the Big Picture Company to open a clinic! :-) We (Big Picture Advisors) try to reform education "one student at a time." So, maybe Doc could start reforming medicine one patient at a time.
To sum up my thoughts - we have had incredible medical care providers: great doctors and great nurses. They are functioning in a system that governs a lot of what they do - but the individuals we've interacted with have been great. Much is the same for education; the individuals working within the institutions are great but still have the institution to answer to.

So today, Edmund got his picline out of his head! So that means he is not getting any fluids or anything extra...only breast milk. His nurse, Breanna (Jacky Jr.), made great arguments that it needed to be changed...so why change it today if it was going to be taken out tomorrow. Dr. DeSanto is still trying to make progress with feedings and all. We REALLY hope we got Dr. Wittman next week. (pray for that) Heidi and I are going home early tonight to get some things done and enjoy time together. We think this is our first attempt at being a God centered home rather than a child-centered home (thank you, John, for pre-marital counseling) :-)

Love,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

Pictures from Dennis

2009-01-24T12:13:00.001-05:00

39 pictures
View Album at Shutterfly

It all comes down to the food...

2009-01-23T21:45:00.002-05:00

I want to believe he is fine and nothing at all is wrong. He is still alive, which is amazing given his start. He has done well weaning off medicines, gaining weight, having bowel movements, and seems like everything else...except eating. Edmund still only gets small amounts (15 ccs) in a bottle. He can usually take that but spits up a little or has trouble making a seal...or coughs. He has only gotten to practice twice a day with a bottle - everything else comes through the tube in his nose. He needs to get up to like 60ccs (I think thats like two ounces) with a bottle before we can begin to think about coming home. He needs to consistently take the 15 ccs so we can do a swallow study. It is all somewhat confusing.

So who knows how much longer we will be here. The frustrating thing is this is were insurance and policy start to take over. They have to follow this pattern to keep insurance happy and to cover malpractice issues. If he isn't able to get to where ever he needs to get then there is some tube they are going to put directly into his stomach so we can feed him that way. The doctor told us tonight that they need to make sure that his brain can tell his airway to be blocked when he is feeding. She said that just because there isn't any damage doesn't mean everything is functioning correctly.

So we have a long road. We are getting tired. This morning we slept in until 7:45 (I am supposed to be at work at 8) Thank God I have a great and forgiving boss! I realized today that our house hasn't been vacuumed in almost a month. (ew) At this point it might just be worth it to have the carpets cleaned. We have like no groceries either. I never thought I would get here, but I'm almost to the point where I never want to eat out again.

We just want to take him home and start being a family there. It is hard to be patient - but at least we are fortunate enough to have a situation where we need to be patient! It is just hard to remember that - keep praying for us, please!

Love,
The Swenders

Chugging Forward

2009-01-22T17:55:00.003-05:00

Edmund is not off his TPN, which was the electrolytes, and is now on regular IV fluid. I can only assume that is one step closer to not needing any fluid at all!:)

Starting at his 8:00 feeding, he'll be on 60ml of breast milk, which is 2 oz. I believe he only needs to get up to 80 or 90 in order to be completely on breastmilk and therefore get the line out of his head!!

This morning he did a FABULOUS job with his bottle. He took 15ml. Pretty much if he's awake and alert, he does well. When he's drowsy or doesn't seem as hungry, he just won't have it, and he seems to consistently be awake and alert in the morning. The goal with bottles is that he would take 15ml by bottle consistently. When he does that, they'll be able to do a swallow study where they bottle feed him some sort of dye and then follow it to make sure it's going down the right places and that he can protect his airway properly. He's showing all good signs that he's doing well with this, but it's a little bit of a guessing game at this point.

The doctor also started weaning his methadone today and scheduled a routine hearing screening that they do for all babies. We're not concerned about that because we know he can hear. He startles at noises and turns towards certain noises.

Edmund has been sleeping more today and threw up again....could be mild signs of withdrawal. The throw up could also be getting used to the higher volumes of milk or for that matter, something mommy ate:) Daddy got here in time to be thrown up on yet again, and now they are indeed napping peacefully together:)

That's today's news. Love,
Dennis, Heidi, & Edmund

Need Sleep!

2009-01-22T09:03:00.003-05:00

So I (Dennis) didn't go into work yesterday. Heidi needed some extra support and Edmund was withdrawing from drugs (which wasn't too bad.) In reality, I probably needed more of the support. Both of us barely slept that night. Last night we left early to get some good sleep, but it didn't seem like any. I got to see Edmund a few minutes this morning before the shift change. Then Heidi and I sat together in the lobby and both fell asleep!

I hope she is getting rest at the hospital. I plan to leave school ASAP today, go see my little guy and take a nap! I hope I can get through the day!
D

We're Rockin' Today - Thank You Doctor, Nurse Jacky, & our Speech Therapist!!!

2009-01-21T09:23:00.002-05:00

It's odd. Some days it feels like nothing happens, and some days we just sprint forward. Today is a sprinting day. Edmund had a good night last night, and today his fentanyl drip is gone!!!!! He is ,of course, still on the methadone every 8 hours. Hopefully that will keep the fentynol withdrawal at bay.

He took a bottle of I think 9 ml this morning at his 8 o'clock feeding, and did GREAT. He's usually more awake and alert in the morning, so he does better then. The speech therapist was here to see it this time, and said he did well. Now she's wondering what he'd do with a larger volume - if he'd get into a good rhythm of suck/swallow, giving himself a break inbetween. So if he keeps doing well, I'm sure we'll be able to try a larger volume soon.

His feedings are going to 45ml for 3 feedings and then 50ml after that, so he also gets to go off his lipids today! All that's left is the TPN. Hopefully in a few days, we'll be up to enough milk that he won't need that and can get his PIC line out!!!!:)

Today is exciting. Please pray for Edmund's strength and tolerance as these are a lot of changes for him to adjust to; he's working very hard.

Love to all,
Dennis, Heidi, & Edmund

More Drugs in Order to Have Less Drugs.....

2009-01-20T20:27:00.002-05:00

Dennis went back to work today and with him went the laptop, so updates will come in the evenings now. Though he hated being away from Edmund and me, he did have a good day at work.

Edmund started showing several signs of withdrawal last night and today. He was very fussy, had some vomiting, was very rigid, and was running a fever. If he gets too upset from the withdrawal, then he'll have trouble with the feedings. Yesterday we started trying two 5-10ml bottles a day so that he can practice sucking and swallowing. In order to keep moving forward with the feedings, we have to keep his withdrawal under control. So, today he started a drug called methadone. He'll get a very small dose orally every 8 hours. The dose is actually smaller than what he could have with his weight and often it's every 6 hours instead of 8, so hopefully it won't take long to wean off that once the fentanyl is gone.

Edmund is now eating 40 ml every 3 hours. The doctor said that hopefully in another 4-5 days he'll be on enough milk to be off the TPN and lipids. Also, he should be off the fentanyl by Saturday. All that means that, Lord willing, he'll be able to get the PIC out of his head by the end of the weekend! Then he'd only have 2 cords and nothing poking into him, except the feeding tube up his nose:)

It's a very slow process which seems strange consindering there seems so little left, but we're grateful to be here with such great nurses and doctors. We're especially thankful for Nurse Jacky who is so wonderfully patient and caring. She's worked in the NICU for 12 years and reminded us today how far we've come. He was one of the sickest babies she's seen in a long time. We've still quite a road ahead of us, but God is sustaining us one step at a time.

Thank you for your continued prayers,
Dennis, Heidi, & Edmund

Can't We All Just Play Together?

2009-01-19T10:54:00.002-05:00

It's Monday which means a new doctor, and like us, she is wondering why he isn't on a bottle (she had put him on one bottle a day when she was his doctor last weekend, Jan 10-11). His main nurse, Jacky, was wondering the same thing. So the exciting news is that our team this week sounds a little more aggressive than last week and will push to see what our little Edmund can do. He needs to be able to start working on and getting used to having to suck & swallow to get food. The speech therapist is here now and she, Jacky, and the doc have decided to give him a bottle of just 5ml to see what he does...

His fentanyl will continue to be weaned .5 every other day. It's hard to be patient, but when it gets this low, it does have to be that slow. Even going that slow, there will be a little withdrawal. So, Lord willing, his withdrawal won't be too bad and he'll be off the fentanyl on Saturday.

Unfortunately, Jacky says we'll probably be here for at least 2 more weeks before he's feeding at the point where he's ready to go home:( That's hard, but I suppose it just gives us that much more time to lean on God's strength and be patient for His timing:)

Dennis, Heidi & Edmund

Hurry Up and Wait Part 45

2009-01-18T20:14:00.003-05:00

Unfortunately I am starting to get impatient! Edmund is doing so well but the weaning process off the fentnyol is VERY slow. We might be here another week just getting off of that stuff. His feedings have been upped to 30 CCs every 3 hours and his Gatorade in a bag has been decreased. The docs still won't let him go to a bottle because they say his suck-swallow-breath reflex is not working that well (one nurse told us it could be because of the medicine he is on.) It is very difficult to be patient with everything, considering he is doing so well. I (we) are tired of being at the hospital and would like to take him home. I guess we have to count our blessings because there are several babies around us that won't get to go home for several weeks or months. Heidi has had some good success with the nonnutritive feedings - hopefully he will continue to figure it all out.

The little rascal has already outgrown newborn and stage 1 diapers. I went to Whole Foods today and picked up a pack of level 2 Seventh Generation diapers. I'm not sure I am totally in love with them but we'll see. Some more cloth diapers are on their way soon but we probably won't be able to use them until we leave the hospital.

We made it to church this morning just a little bit late...but it was so good to be there. Mark is preaching on Job - the main topic being suffering in life. What a timely message!

Well, we might try to leave a little early tonight!
Love,
The Swenders

Strength for Today and Bright Hope for Tomorrow...

2009-01-16T21:09:00.003-05:00

I didn't know being a dad would be this difficult! Some nurses have made comments about how good I am with Edmund but they don't know that I've studied child development (and taught it for 5 years.) I've got the hang of the diapers and I understand most of the medical stuff and baths are no problem. The hard part is trying to understand that he is a gift from God but not really mine. When he was really sick I prayed that God would let me enjoy him more than just a few days. It is so wonderful that the prayer has been answered - for whatever reason - but still my time with him is temporary. Lord willing, he will grow and someday will leave me and Heidi. This, of course, is a good thing, but still makes my time with him temporary; so I've got to take advantage of the time I get.

Heidi and I are very excited to go to church on Sunday. Several weeks ago our church did a cardboard testimony thing where people had two sides of a story. One was the trial or difficulty and the other was how God was apart of it. Not all the stories had happy endings. I've been thinking about how I wish they would do the testimonies every few months! God does so many things that He should be magnified regularly to encourage the body. I want to be up there with Heidi and Edmund with a piece of cardboard that says "Given hours to live...brain damage, heart failure, kidney failure..." and... well, I don't know what the other side would say yet...it is too difficult to get down to a few words. From our understanding there were several hundred people who were praying for us. I know at least 4 other churches plus e-mail groups were praying. So maybe the other side would say something about how God answered this prayer. Although, that can be confusing, too, because there are several babies here that have been prayed but the answer was not what was asked. I don't know what the other side would say: "Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow."

College Park Church has had "Great is Thy Faithfulness" as sort of a theme song...it has taken on a new dimension for us. In fact, we are so excited to worship God with song at church! (Heidi has a bunch of praise songs on our MP3 player but it is different with the Body.) I keep wondering what Pastor Anderson will have for us - my heart is prepared to worship. I can't wait to take Edmund to church and say "This is Mrs. E. She played at our wedding and worships God every week by piano." "This is Pastor Anderson, we wish he would record more CD's" "This is Mrs. Kathy - she is amazing on the violin" and so on.... and of course "This is Pastor Mark, he teaches us about our God" and finally "This is Pastor Don; make sure you get a second opinion on what he says because you can never tell when he is joking. (well, daddy can.)" Hopefully I don't bust out crying during service this Sunday. It is late and we must get home!

D

First Clothing

2009-01-16T20:57:00.002-05:00

Heidi got to put Edmund's first shirt ever on tonight. We are excited to be able to do things like this and hold him in different ways. We just can't wait to take him home.

Ouch - His Head...

2009-01-16T15:49:00.004-05:00

Now the waiting just seems to be getting annoying. We really want his Fentynol to keep coming down regularly but they want to go slow. He is down to 2.0.
His feedings happen every 3 hours and have been increased to 25cc (30cc is an ounce). His bowels are moving slowly, but he apparently had some good movement right before they put a thing in his head. He also seems to do well with some nonnutritive nursing.
The speech therapist is thrilled with his progress with his mouth movements. The PT and OT have given us a few exercises to practice with him... like supporting his shoulder blades so his hands are forced to go over his chest. They would like to see everything mid-lined or something like that...
They took the tube out of his bellybutton and wanted to put a new 'picline' in his arm, but he is too chubby so they had to put it in through his head. Didn't know that could happen! :-) Looks painful but they gave him some pain killers. Now he can wear some clothes! :-)

I will be headed back to the Met on Tuesday but hope to take another day or two off when Edmund gets to come home.

Blessings,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

Slow Going

2009-01-15T16:44:00.004-05:00

Not much news today. Edmund is doing great off his oxygen. Fentynol is still at 2.5, but should get lowered again tomorrow.

Last night Edmund started getting fed every 3 hours instead of every 4. He currently gets 20ml per feeding. Hopefully tomorrow he'll be able to move up on that; it just takes time for his body to adjust to digesting food. He's only getting fed through a feeding tube, but Mommy has adjusted her pumping schedule so that when he eats he can try non-nutritive sucking. Basically, I try to be fairly empty so he can try sucking without getting to overwhelmed. Plus, they have to make sure he knows how to close off his airway so we don't get any fluid down the wrong pipe!

In the mean time, Edmund has enjoyed listening to music, having Daddy read him The Magician's Nephew, and being held as much as possible:) Grandma got to hold him before she had to go home too!

Comfy With Daddy, Too

2009-01-14T18:30:00.000-05:00

I got a stolen hold, too! :-)

Comfy Hold With Mommy

2009-01-14T17:23:00.003-05:00

Nurse Rose let us try a new hold today... Mom is LOVING it!

Look no tape! :-)

2009-01-14T14:09:00.002-05:00

So while we were at lunch, Edmund managed to pull out the little food tube up his nose! :-) So nurse Jacky let us take some pictures without it.

Thank You, Nurse Jacky

2009-01-14T11:05:00.002-05:00

One of Edmund's nurses, Miss Jacky, has been searching for a crib to put him in, and this morning, she found one. So Edmund is livin' large in a crib and had his oxygen thing taken out! He had his physical and occupational therapy again this morning... and is wide awake for us. Fentynol was also turned down a little, too.

We Are Not Out Of The Woods Yet

2009-01-13T15:09:00.002-05:00

This morning we got to see the MRI results. The doctor told us there is no damage that they see, however, brain damage can sometimes take almost 6 months to show up on an MRI.

Even though he has made incredible progress, there are still a lot of things he needs to do to heal and develop. He had occupational and physical therapists checking him out this morning. They are currently concerned that he still seems stiff in some of his movements as well as how he holds his hands. The doctor confirmed this and added that his suck and gag reflexes are not in sync. So we are going to have to take a break from bottles. However, the lacatation people are here to help Heidi do non-nutritive sucking so he doesn't have to coordinate suck, swallow, breathe.

It looks like he will be in the NICU for a while yet. A social worker stopped by to discuss insurance stuff already - that was just so much fun. It also looks like we will be in for a lot of future doctor's appointments, scans, PTs and OTs and more. Not sure how we are going to manage all that, but God has gotten us this far, so why not a little farther. Same thing with Edmund healing - God has allowed for so much healing...why not a little more.

Please continue to keep is in your prayers because we still have a very long journey ahead...especially Edmund.

Love,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

Preliminary MRI Results

2009-01-12T21:54:00.003-05:00

Once again, God has worked a miracle! The doctor says that there seems to be no tissue damage from lack of oxygen which is shocking considering his story!! It was very much like when we heard the results of his heart echo. Things seem pretty normal. There's no human explanation, but they're normal. There is a little blood between the hemispheres of his brain, probably from the CPR, but that shouldn't be a problem. We'll go over the MRI results in more detail tomorrow, and this still doesn't tell us everything. Developmentally we'll have to wait see, but the fact that there doesn't seem to be any visible damage is AMAZING!! We are overwhelmed by the grace God has shown Edmund throughout this journey!

In other news, Edmund has slept most of the day today. Apparently he wore himself kicking and screaming because he didn't like the noise of the MRI. He did manage to take a full bottle at 6:00 today which is also encouraging. When his sucking is stronger, he'll be able to start nursing.

We'll probably be here at the hospital for at least another week. Edmund has come so far and has so little left to do, but it still takes time. It'll be a few days before he'll be on enough milk to not need the other nutrition he's getting intravenously, and he still has to wean slowly off the fentynol so he doesn't go into withdrawal. Also, he's needs to transition to nursing.

Praise God,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

Still Waiting on the MRI.

2009-01-12T17:42:00.002-05:00

We are still waiting to hear the results of the MRI. The doctor assured me that the delay doesn't mean anything about the results... He said it is Monday and so they are probably really backed up and they usually have 1-2 other specialists look at it...so hopefully we'll hear something this evening.

We did hear that his urinary system is working just fine (they tested that this morning, too.)

He has slept almost all day. We weren't here for the MRI but apparently the little guy was crying a lot, so they had to give him something to calm down.

D

Monday Morning Waiting

2009-01-12T11:00:00.002-05:00

Edmund went in for his MRI and urinary track test this morning. We won't know anything on either until the radiologists check it out and report to our doctors, which will probably be late afternoon.

Heidi and I were able to get the house in order a little last night, and Heidi got some good rest.

Still praying,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

Sunday Update

2009-01-11T19:30:00.002-05:00

Edmund is doing beautifully. He is down another dose on fentynol and has eaten all of the colostrum Heidi could get. The RT started a thumping therapy on his lungs today to help break some things up. They are going to do that treatment about every 6 hours. Edmund has peed several times even without a catheter! Dr. Kristin stopped by and gave him his first chiropractic adjustment.

Tomorrow is still such a big day with the MRI. The scan actually happens in the morning, but who knows when we'll know the results. I hope and pray so much that his brain is not damaged. God has already been so gracious in healing him this far!

Heidi needs prayer for strength and the ability to rest. I need it because I'm prone to worrying.

Love,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

PS - I left our cell phone at home today, so if you tried contacting us and we didn't get back to you, thats why.

In Awe

2009-01-11T11:42:00.002-05:00

Greetings all! I (Heidi) haven't had much of a chance to write. My time away from Edmund is mostly spent pumping or eating, so I appreciate the way Dennis has been able to keep everyone updated.

Thank you to the thousands of you that have and continue to pray so fervently for Edmund. We are in indescribably grateful for your intersession in this situation and in awe of why God chooses to do what he does. Our prayer is that this would remind us daily that our lives, however short or long, are given that we might glorify God. May we all remember daily to ask how we might better glorify him in whatever situation he has provided, and may we be faithful in teaching Edmund and all our children to do the same.

Thank you again for the many ways in which you've all been so supportive. It has been extremely helpful to us.

Love to all and may the name of the Lord be praised!
Dennis, Heidi, & Edmund

Eventful Saturday

2009-01-11T00:30:00.009-05:00

Sorry that I didn't get a chance to post anything today, but I've been too busy holding my boy. Heidi and I started the day off getting a much needed adjustment at the chiropractor!

This morning we were able to feed Edmund with a bottle. The rest of his feedings throughout the day go through a tube, but this one Heidi go to do with a bottle. He seemed to take the colostrum and milk just fine. Brandi, Kristin and the nurse said he sucking rhythm looked great. We are hopeful to start nursing as soon as possible.

We also got to hold our baby up to our skin, which was wonderful but is very difficult with tubes everywhere. In the evening, I was holding him and realized his catheter actually came out. The Dr. said it was okay and not to worry. Hopefully he can pee on his own from now on.

This evening I got to give him his first bath, too! I loved it... He didn't even really cry, then again he is a bit sedated. :-) But he smells good now. Heidi can't wait to cut his nails tomorrow.It is great that we can worry about things like his finger nails!! On Sunday we plan to take it easy. We were planning on going to College Park in the morning, but stayed too late with the bath and now Heidi is pumping.

Thanks again for all the visits and prayers! Monday seems like such a big day. Everything seems to be going so well that I am just waiting for something major to be wrong with the MRI - we are praying that God his brain from any damage.

As you can see, we got to do so much with him today that we didn't have a bunch of time to sit down and type!

Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

First Family Photo

2009-01-09T16:13:00.002-05:00

They took out one of the tubes in his belly button so now we can hold him. This is our first family photo!! Colostrum can start tomorrow! Hydrcortizone is probably done today!!

what a gift from God!

My Son!

2009-01-09T12:14:00.002-05:00

This was a stole picture! :-) He pulled his tummy tube out, so while we waited for the nurse, Heidi took this picture! The tummy tube is now back in and taped better. :-)

No Ventilator!!!!

2009-01-09T10:39:00.004-05:00

This is our boy without tubes in his mouth! He is still getting some oxygen but he might even be off of that soon!
He had a great night and even are taking is fetynal down to 4.5!

We are thrilled!!!!!

Conventional!

2009-01-08T10:30:00.005-05:00

Edmund was just put on a conventional ventilator!!! He is doing really well on it, too! This will allow the nurses to move him around a lot more to help break up stuff in his lungs and help the swelling due to the fluids!

He made a stool last night!!!! Dr. Wittman said that she can hear bowel sounds, which is good! He might be able to have some colostrum as early as Friday!!

Edmund will be getting hydrocortizone for a few more days for his heart...and probably will be getting the antibiotics through the weekend, or at least as long as the catheter is in.

Heidi and I can't overstimulate him...which means less touching... but we are okay because it means quicker healing! He is such a big baby that if he gets overstimulated he can pull the tubes out of his mouth (which he already did once)

Praise God,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

The Morning Report

2009-01-08T09:10:00.002-05:00

We had great news when we walked in a few minutes ago to see little Edmund... He is off 1/2 of the ventilator... the part that gave him concentrated oxygen and the NO (nitra..oxide something) is GONE! He is still on the oscillator which makes him wiggle! Hopefully the settings on that will get lower and lower so he can go on to a conventional ventilator.

We have to take it easy on him today because they he is still heavily sedated and they want to really start weaning him off the fetonyal stuff. So, less hand touching today, but thats okay! One less drug he'll be on.

Thanks for your prayers!
Love,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

Pictures of Prince Edmund

2009-01-08T00:16:00.006-05:00

Edmund with my horse from when I was a baby and a little angel gift from my parents.

Heidi Reading to Edmund.

Edmund made even more progress getting off the ventilator this evening

Heidi and I will be staying at our home. We will have our cell phone but can't take it into the NICU so we may not get your calls until afterwards. If you do want to visit, go directly to the NICU at St. Vicent's and pick up the phone outside the doors and ask for the Swenders.

We need some sleep! Goodnight!

Love,

Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

MORE Picture here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=198675&l=10665&id=594955516

THE HEART IS NORMAL!!!

2009-01-07T18:15:00.001-05:00

EDMUND'S HEART IS NORMAL!!!!!

Dr. Wittman came over and said "The heart is normal. I would have been happy with improved, but it is normal!"

Still need prayer to get off the ventilators and so we can get an MRI!

LOVE,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

The boy keeps going

2009-01-07T15:19:00.001-05:00

My boy keeps fighting and is still doing well. He hasn't had to go back on any blood pressure medicine and is also doing well on the ventilator, which is being decreased! Still no word on the heart scan - we'll probably know more offical stuff later.
Heidi is having great success pumping - he will have plenty to eat when he can. Please pray that we'll be able to nurse when all this is over. She is napping right now at his side.

Love,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

....scan again in a month....

2009-01-07T12:20:00.003-05:00

"We will have to scan his kidneys again in about a month" said the doctor! :-)

So we went from doctors talking about him living in hours...to now having scans again in a month!!!

He is doing pretty well off the dobutamine (blood pressure medicine). He is still on is sedation stuff - fetynal or something like that. But he is being weaned off of that, too!! He still gets hydocortizone for his heart.... They are going to start weaning more oxygen and nitratoxide!!! and they are still turning down other settings on the ventilator.

The heart scanner person was here a about an hour ago. She said that it looked a lot better but that we'd have to wait for the cardiologist to read it...which could be as late as 4pm.

the doctor told us that he might be able to have some of Heidi's milk in a few days! Heidi and I got to see him squirming around a BUNCH today. He even opened both eyes a little bit!!! He keeps trying to grab the tubes in his mouth and likes to suck on the tubes. He squished his faced all up like he was going to cry, too!

I found out from our nurse today that there are over 65 babies in the NICU here...they all need your prayers.

Also, Heidi and I might be returning home tonight. We are not sure. The doctor said that 'medically speaking' we can go home because he is stable enough. Also, we don't have the cell phone with his in the NICU - I only checked it every few hours. If you'd like to visit, we will be in the NICU. Thanks for all your encouragement and prayers!!!

Love,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

(BTW, the doctor said the ultra sound of his bladder and kidneys was good. The kidneys have something in them but she said it is nothing to worry about and usually goes away on its own...thats why we'll need to scan again in a month or so!) :-)

Edmund has a good night

2009-01-07T09:28:00.002-05:00

Edmund had a good easy night. The nurse just took him off the dobutamine and he seems to be keeping his blood pressure up. He heart rate was around 100 when we came in today but the nurse said it isn't something to worry about because they don't know really what his baseline heart rate is. He got new tubes in his airway last night and looks a lot more comfortable. The RT lowered a setting on the ventilator and his NO setting to 3.3 ppm. His blood gasses seem to be doing well.

Sometime today he will have his heart scan. Please, please, please pray that there is no damage - or it is at least something that can be treated. When he got here they said it was only 20% of the heart was functioning. Please pray!

Hopefully he progresses off the more stuff today! Thanks for your prayers and support!
Love,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

After the Shift Change

2009-01-06T20:13:00.006-05:00

I haven't been in to see Edmund since about 7 when they do the shift change. Things were good when I left. He was down to practically nothing on the dobutamine for his blood pressure. He just couldn't get by without that last drip of it. He is going way down on the nitrateoxide - he will be put down to 5ppm this evening. He is stable and doing well... still a long road ahead! Please pray for his heart scan tomorrow...that whatever they thought might be damaged is healed!!

(the uploaded pictures were from the night Edmund got to St. Vincent's... he looks a little better now)

A Day of Weaning - from earlier today...

2009-01-06T20:13:00.001-05:00

They just dropped is nitricoxide to 10ppm (I think I refered to it earlier as nitrogen) at 11 tonight they will drop it to 5ppm, and then drop it 1ppm per hour until he is off it. Then, he will be off that part of the ventilator. He still needs the fance thing to pump the air through and all, but they are going to start weaning that, too. One of the doctors said that he could be off of it by Friday or early next week.

He is still sedated and gets a bit of morophine. His fingers are flexible.

Earlier today he was coming out of sedation and was squriming all over the place. :-) It was adorable! I hope that means good things for his brain.

There are not enough rooms at the hospital for us to room in, so the hospital is going to put us up in a the Marteen house for a night. After that, Heidi and I have a few options but we aren't sure which to pick.

Thanks for continued prayers!

Dennis, Heidi and Edmund!

A Long day of weaning.

2009-01-06T17:05:00.001-05:00

Edmund has done great weaning off stuff. He is almost completely off dobutamine - which is for his blood pressure. He is barely getting any right now but his blood pressure dips a little when they stop giving it to him... so they'll just have to wait.
They just dropped is nitricoxide to 10ppm (I think I refered to it earlier as nitrogen) at 11 tonight they will drop it to 5ppm, and then drop it 1ppm per hour until he is off it. Then, he will be off that part of the ventilator. He still needs the fance thing to pump the air through and all, but they are going to start weaning that, too. One of the doctors said that he could be off of it by Friday or early next week.
He is still sedated and gets a bit of morophine. His fingers are flexible.

Earlier today he was coming out of sedation and was squriming all over the place. :-) It was adorable! I hope that means good things for his brain.

There are not enough rooms at the hospital for us to room in, so the hospital is going to put us up in a the Marteen house for a night. After that, Heidi and I have a few options but we aren't sure which to pick.

Thanks for continued prayers!
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund!

A long day of weaning.

2009-01-06T16:54:00.006-05:00

A Day of Weaning

2009-01-06T10:42:00.006-05:00

Heidi and I just stopped in to see Edmund and heard some good news. Today is a day of weaning him off medicines and the big ventilator he is currently using. He is off Dopamine, which was for his blood pressure. Now they are weaning him off his Dobutamine, which is also for blood pressure. He is still on antibiotics for possible infections and hydrocortisone for his kidneys. The kidney and bladder ultrasound came back good and he is still making urine. His oxygen is going to stay at 50% but now they are starting to decrease his nitrogen. He is currently at 15 parts per million and will be taken down to 10 at 4. They will decrease him to 5 ppm at 10, and then go down by 1 ppm ever two hours. These are all great steps to get him off the fancy ventilator onto a conventional.. The conventional one will breathe with him and allow them to move his head every 4 hours. Getting him on the conventional ventilator and off the medicines will allow them to do an MRI to see the status of his brain. tomorrow he will have a scan on his heart.

He is still so sick and has such a long road a head of him...but little bitty parts are healing.
Keep praying,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

A Good Night

2009-01-06T09:11:00.002-05:00

Edmund had a good night that allowed the nurse to continue to drop his oxygen. He is now at 50%. They also decreased a setting on the ventilator. These are very, very small steps toward a conventional ventilator. Heidi went up during the night and learned that they are having trouble keeping him sedated. They don't know if it is because he is metabolizing it so quickly or because he is so much bigger than they are used to. :-) It isn't a big issue, it is mainly to keep him comfortable and so he won't fight the ventilator.

I just went up less than 30 minutes ago and they were doing a kidney ultrasound. Just want to make sure everything is still good after all the urine. (The nurse said he had a TON last night). I also noticed that he wasn't gripping the gauze pad as tightly. The neurologist said that his baby fists are too tight and it wasn't good so they put little gauze pads in his hands. This morning was the first time I saw his hand opened without help. This could be because he was more sedated...but it could also be that he is relaxing; she said his blood pressure suggested he might be sleeping/resting.

Some friends are trying to work out some housing options for us so we can be closer to the hospital. Heidi is discharged today, but we can stay until tomorrow as 'rooming-in'. Some other friends are taking care of our zoo at home!

Thanks for all the prayers

Urine!

2009-01-05T23:28:00.003-05:00

The urologist finally made it over to see Edmund around 8:30ish (I think) and was able to get a catheter in him. His bladder was completely full; he was having urine but it was because it was being squeezed out because the bladder was so full. LOTS of pee came out! :-)

Edmund is down to a 65% oxygen concentration on his ventilator. They are taking him down 2% every hour that he remains stable and that his blood oxygen level stays above 98. He is still on a lot of steroids and things to help his heart and is still heavily sedated (mainly so he won't fight the ventilator).

He is still so very sick and needs God to heal him. Please keep praying. This is such a crazy dance of two steps forward and three back. The nurses have been great and have taken great care of him.

Heidi has continued success pumping and freezing colostrum for Edmund. He won't get it for a while. Currently his is getting 'gatorade in a bag' and some lipids. They don't want to take oxygen away from other organs so they don't want to initiate the the digestive system...so no mother's milk until then. Her stitches and all seem to be doing fine and her systems are recovering.

We are so fortunate that God has blessed us with Edmund. It is so hard to accept that he is a gift that was given to us, but really isn't ours. He belongs to God; God created and intended Edmund before it was our idea and, it is hard to have faith, but we know that God has Edmund!! Our comfort at night is that our Father is holding our son even though we cannot.

Our visitors have been great. I know I don't say a lot or seem with it, but having you here, in the room, even if I'm not responding means a lot to me. Thank you for your prayers and please keep interceding for us and especially Edmund.

Love,
Dennis, Heidi and Edmund

Urine!

2009-01-05T22:18:00.004-05:00

Pictures

2009-01-05T15:58:00.002-05:00

Janie just posted some pictures from when he was born.

http://www.alannaphotography.com/edmund/index.htm

Nothing new as of yet

2009-01-05T15:46:00.001-05:00

It seems when I visit Edmund I am only there for a few minutes, but it really is like an hour or longer. There are really no new changes or anything.. Please keep praying.

D

Edmund Phillip Swender Update

2009-01-05T14:11:00.002-05:00

It seems like yesterday was a million years ago and yet just happened. Edmund is a different baby today but is still very sick. At my last visit, the nurse told me they turned his oxygen down to 73% (he was at 100%), his blood pressure and heart rate are stable but his heart is still weak. It is functioning at about 20%. His bladder is full - he has made a few more pees since this morning, but still has not emptied it all. A urologist is coming, probably as I type, to attempt a catheter again. This is good news because it suggests his kidneys can still work.

Heidi is doing really well, too. Everyone she talks to says they are going to give her a black belt for delivering such a large baby. She just pumped some colostrum about 20 minutes ago - she filled up two little bottles! When Edmund can have the food, the nurses will put it him through a tube in his mouth.

This morning Heidi and I went to visit him; Heidi started to speak to him and he started to suck on his tubes vigorously! :-) We also get to touch him again; we can't caress him or anything.

He is still very sick and needs a lot more prayers..

Pictures of Edmund

2009-01-04T23:26:00.004-05:00

These were taken Sunday, January 4th at 10:00 pm. -- CH

Edmund Phillip

2009-01-04T21:34:00.004-05:00

Edmund Phillip was born at 1:12 am Sunday, January 4, 2009. He was a whopping 10 lbs 13 oz and 21 inches long! Heidi did beautifully during labor and did incredible pushing and all. Dennis got to catch Edmund and was able to bring him to Heidi. The cord was short so we couldn't nurse right away. A few minutes after he was born, the midwives were not happy with his breathing or heart rate so we transfered to Riverview Hospital where he was stabilized and prepped for transfer to St. Vincent's Children's Hospital.

There was a lot of fluid in Edmund's lungs which prevented oxygen from getting everywhere in the body. They aren't sure why it was there, but they know there was blood mixed in and his lungs weren't clotting. The lack of oxygen has greatly effected his major organs and they aren't responding well to treatment. We don't know if there is any brain damage but we have been told the heart is not doing well. There have been some minor improvements, but the doctors remind us that he is very sick and the prognosis is slim.

Heidi and Dennis are currently at the St. Vincent's Women's Center Hospital (Heidi was admitted for stitching - 2nd degree tearing - he was a big boy.) We would appreciate your prayers for strength and healing for Edmund and growth in faith for me and Heidi.

We really don't know where this is going or how it will all work out...
Dennis & Heidi

2009-01-03T20:38:00.000-05:00

Heidi is just having a ball with the back labor! She just had a nice bath, and we had some dinner. Lori is going to be on her way over in about an hour to help me out. Labor is tough work for dads, I can't even imagine what it is like for moms!!

We Are Good

2009-01-03T18:00:00.002-05:00

Marisol left about 20 minutes ago and her prognosis is that we are all good. She even got excited over some mucus. :-) Heidi has been laboring in her back so she is now on her knees trying to relieve that pressure.

I on the other hand am hungry, have a headache and am tired.

We are progressing well and might be looking at a baby tomorrow!
D

Marisol on the way

2009-01-03T16:02:00.003-05:00

About an hour ago the contractions seemed to get a little longer and a bit harder. Heidi has had some bloody discharge for a while now. She likes to have her back rubbed during the contractions. We got a little scared because of the blood and the pain so Brandi called Marisol to come check on us. She'll be here within the hour to check us and hear the baby. Our midwives consulted with another midwife and they all believe that we are still good so there is no need to worry... just pray that we can stay calm and strong.

Dennis & Heidi

Hurry up and Wait...Part 2

2009-01-03T09:50:00.002-05:00

Heidi and I had a wonderful date last night. We had dinner at Michelangelo's in Noblesville, which wasn't that impressive but was still not to go out together. Then we went to the movies to see "Yes Man." It was interesting to see Heidi laugh and have a contraction at the same time. I was a bit worried that she was disturbing the people around us because she would breath really loud every once in a while...but no one complained (at least we weren't texting).

Then we came home to watch Friends and eat smoothies. The contractions continued on and off through the night. We both slept pretty good and are up for another day of waiting! Thanks for your patience everyone!

Love,
Dennis and Heidi

Hurry up and wait...

2009-01-02T11:00:00.002-05:00

A friend told me yesterday that now it is time to hurry up and wait... which is pretty accurate. We called off the daycare kids early this morning due to the contractions... which seemed to have slow down a little. Hopefully they pick back up again and I can call the midwives to get over here.

D

Pre-Labor

2009-01-02T07:53:00.002-05:00

Greetings All!

So, I had contractions through the night (Thursday night, Jan 1). They're still at least 20 minutes apart so we have a LONG way to go and won't have any news for quite a while. I'm just hoping I'll have news before the weekend is out. Please don't call - at some point the phone will be unplugged anyway. We will let you know when there is news!

Heidi

Cloth Diapers - They aren't your mamas cloth diapers!!

2008-10-07T12:07:00.002-04:00

In our attempts to be green, Dennis and I have decided to go with cloth diapering for Baby Swender(s). No, we are not having twins; the plural refers to subsequent babies that are likely to follow at some point.

There are A LOT of cloth diaper options out there these days. In fact, when I started looking into it, I was quite overwhelmed. Fortunately, we have a local cloth diaper company, Toasty Baby (www.toastybaby.com), that does in home demos. We had the chance to talk to them a couple times to get our mind around the different options and have now decided to go with BumGenius (www.bumgenius.com). It's bascally as easy as a disposable as far as changing goes. It's a pocket diaper that comes with cloth inserts. You just put the inserts in when they come out of the wash, and you're ready to go! It's also a one-size. There are little snaps on the front that adjust the height, so they fit baby from birth to potty training!

There's also an ingenious thing called the mini shower. It's exactly what it sounds like and attaches to your toilet. When there are poopy diapers, you just hold it over the toilet, rinse, and throw the diaper in your diaper pail.

Not only is this environmentally friendly, but it is cost effective. We need to buy somewhere around $700 worth of diapers and accessories. However, since we won't have to buy additional sizes, this should be the only diaper expense for all of our children! AND if they're still in good shape when we're done with diapers, apparently cloth diapers have a decent resale value!

Heidi